Like so many things in life, we’re never truly prepared for grief. Sometimes, it shows up out of nowhere, changing everything in an instant. Other times, we know it’s coming, but no amount of preparation makes it hurt any less. When we’re grieving, the advice and words from others might be meant to help, but they don’t always feel like they do. And as time moves forward, the pressure to “move on” can feel heavier, like there’s some kind of invisible deadline we’re supposed to meet. But grief doesn’t have a timeline. Instead of moving on, we learn to move with it.
W.S. Merwin’s poem Separation captures this feeling so well: “Your absence has gone through me like a thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with its color.” Just like there are endless colors in the world, there are endless ways to grieve. The person we’ve lost doesn’t just disappear from our story—they become part of the thread that weaves us forward. Healing isn’t about forgetting. It’s about finding ways to carry their presence with us in a way that makes sense.
Counseling Tip: If you’re feeling pressure to “move on” but aren’t sure what that even means, try shifting your focus to what moving with your grief looks like. How do you honor your loved one in your daily life? What reminders of them bring comfort instead of pain? Grief isn’t something to fix, it’s something to carry in a way that feels right for you.
