What we tell ourselves shapes how we see the world and our self-image. In my practice as a grief and trauma therapist, I’ve seen how inner dialogue can act as either a powerful friend or a blowhard critic. Negative self-talk doesn’t just interfere with confidence—it guides how we approach relationships, challenges, and opportunities.
Self-talk directly shapes how we perceive our strengths and weaknesses. For example, you may notice a pattern of thinking, “Why even try? I’ll just fail anyway,” whenever you face a new challenge at school, work, or your personal life. Over time, this internal narrative can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, which you start to believe.
Negative self-talk includes:
- Catastrophic Thinking: A cognitive thinking style where individuals exaggerate the potential negative consequences of events or situations, leading to extreme fear and anxiety “If I mess this up, everyone will see I’m not cut out for this work.” This kind of all-or-nothing thinking feeds feelings of shame and imposter syndrome. It can lead to fear of making a decision and seeing disappointing outcomes.
- Disqualifying the positives: Another thinking style in which someone minimizes or dismisses positive experiences or achievements. “It wasn’t that big of a deal,” or “Anyone could’ve done this.” This leads to a feeling of emptiness and never experiencing the enjoyment and gratification of accomplishments and successes.
- Personalization: This thinking style includes taking responsibility for events that are not within their control. “Our team lost, it must be my fault.” “The group presentation got a poor grade because of my section.” These thoughts not only undermined their self-esteem but also led to feelings of isolation and resentment.
Becoming aware of negative self-talk is the first step toward change. When clients begin to challenge these thoughts, they open the door to a healthier, more balanced view of themselves and their abilities.
Affirmations lead to rewiring the brain. Neuroscience shows that repeated positive statements activate areas of the brain associated with self-processing, helping to form new neural pathways that challenge old, unhelpful patterns.
If you suffer with negative self-talk begin incorporating affirmations for self-confidence into your daily routine. You can start with simple, realistic statements like, “I am doing the best that I can,” and “I am human and humans make mistakes.” Over time, these affirmations have the power to shift your mindset from one of fear to self-acceptance.
