To all of the women who so longed to become mothers, but due to infertility or reproductive issues have been unable to, we just want to say: “We are so sorry for your Loss! We empathize with you. You have been grieving for so long in silence………”
Our hearts go out to the women experiencing infertility and reproductive issues which generates great loss and grief. According to the Center for the Disease Control and Prevention, the CDC, about 12% of women between age 15 to 44, have difficulty getting pregnant or carrying a pregnancy to term. Sometimes their grief is not validated by the people in their inner circle. Naomi Feil, in her book Validation Breakthrough, (2012), explained how communication with empathy has helped people regain dignity, reduce anxiety, prevent withdrawal, and avoid burnout and depression. We can only imagine how infertility and reproductive issues can bring strong emotions, such as those described by J. William Worden in his book Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy, (2018), which include sadness, anger, self-blame, guilt, self-reproach, anxiety, loneliness, helplessness, fatigue, numbness, disbelief, confusion, preoccupation, self-hatred, feeling less than, depression, and grief. Women living with such emotions grieve their motherhood for years in silence. They grieve the child they’ve never had.
The “always wanted to be” mothers are quite forgotten in this celebration month. In a society where we thrive to bring forth subjects that are considered taboo for so long, wouldn’t it be best practice for us all to acknowledge and validate the women who are feeling marginalized and depressed this month of May?
From the newspapers to social media, we’ve heard of cases where women went through expensive treatments, surgeries, assisted reproductive technologies to increase their rates of successfulness in their motherhood quest. Some regain their comfort by adopting a child. Others gracefully utilize the blessing of surrogacy. Others, unfortunately, might never see the day a child of their own will be born. However, these women who are long-term bereaved in silence, a so painful silence, which is sometimes alleviated by their dreams made of beautiful baby’s eyes, gurgles, smiles, first little kisses, first steps, first mumbling of mama, dada……, keep their hope. The hope that one day, by a miracle, a wish bigger than their dreams, will forever fade the grief away.
May is mothers’ celebration month around the world. However, have you in the past empathized with someone in your circle experiencing infertility/reproductive issues? Have you seen it or acknowledged it as a loss? Did you know they could be grieving? If yes, what was your reaction? What did you do? What did you say?
We hear you. In their book On Wings of Mourning, Carol A. and William J. Rowley explained the focus has to be on the one who needs comfort. Often, it’s quite too hard to talk about. Now it’s time to break the silence! Come, talk to us or call us at GriefTREE. We Are Here for You!
Wishing a peaceful Mothers’ Day to all!
Keep the Hope but break the Silence!
Nadine Nord, LCSW, Therapist at Grief Tree
RELEVANT LINKS
Carol A. and William J. Rowley (1984). ON WINGS OF MOURNING: Our Journey Through Grief and Recovery. Word Books. Texas. 155pp.
Feil, N. (2012) THE VALIDATION BREAKTHROUGH. Third edition. York, Pennsylvania. 294pp.
J. William Worden. (2018). GRIEF COUNSELING AND GRIEF THERAPY: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner.5th ed. Publisher. New York, NY. 293pp.
March of Dimes
http://www.marchofdimes.org/
Annual Report 2021 | March of Dimes 2/15/23
US Census Bureau
https://www.census.gov/programs-surveys/popproj.html. 2/10/23.
